5 things to NEVER say to someone struggling to have a baby.
Life is definitely not easy. We each have our own battles that we fight daily, and some are a lot harder than others. I think that it is important for me to share some of those battles with you. Lots of bloggers, well most people in general make their lives to be perceived that everything is always bright colors and pure bliss. I think it makes people feel as if they are alone in their battles. That no one else has battles and there must be something wrong with them for having those battles. EVERYONE has battles. Battles can be anything from not being able to pay your bills to what mine currently is, wanting a baby. No one is to say that one persons battle is easier or harder than someone else’s. Everyone handles their battles differently.
Zach and I have been trying to start our little family for about a year and a half. This is one of the longest battles that I have had to fight. Some days are by far harder than others. The questions get old, people announcing that they are adding to their families gets hurtful even though I know that they didn’t get pregnant to rub it in my face. It’s not like I want people to stop living their lives and building their families until I get to start mine, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less. Questions often fly through my mind, why do they get another child when I only want one? What makes them a better family to bring a baby into than mine? When will my time come? Will I not be a good mom and that’s why I can’t get pregnant? These questions constantly run through my head and I question myself quite frequently.
One thing that truly makes this battle for me even harder are the following phrases that I get told/asked quite often:
1. Your time will come, you just have to be patient. DO YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THIS??? Do you think that you telling me this is something that I haven’t heard before??
2. Heavenly Father has a plan for you and the time just isn’t right yet. I also know this!! I know that there is a plan for me and that I can’t rush that plan, but it doesn’t make the waiting game any easier!
3. Oh you are so lucky you don’t have kids yet, your life gets ran by them when you do have them! Enjoy it while you can. REALLY??? Let’s just not even go there okay!
4. Doesn’t it upset you when you see others starting their families or having another baby? YES! Isn’t that obvious?? It hurts to talk about it most days even though I put up a strong front. It never gets easier, it only gets harder.
5. It will happen when you are least expecting it! [or] It will happen when you aren’t stressed anymore about it. Have you ever wanted something SO bad that you would give absolutely anything to have it? It’s all you think about? Well thats a baby to me. It’s all I think about or strive for. You can’t turn the stress off, it is always there. So please don’t tell me to stop stressing about it.
Please be careful and try your hardest to NEVER say the listed above to someone struggling to have a child. Whether it’s the first child or their 3rd that they are wanting so badly, it doesn’t get easier. I know it’s hard to know what to say to someone who is going through infertility, and these are usually natural responses, but just tell them you are thinking about them, or that it must be hard. You will never ever understand the heartache and pain that goes through infertility or miscarriages until you have gone through it yourself. Please pin this for future reference to save the hearts and tears of those going through this hard battle.