A Little Update on My Kingster.
I just wanted to give a little update on King man! It has been awhile since I have and the last time I chatted it was because I needed some help with parenting. I will be honest, I know i Put it out on the internet, but some of the responses that people thought was okay to say to a mom being vulnerable and asking for help when she already felt like the worlds worst mom were really sad. People telling me to learn how to put my phone down and what it really is to be a mom, etc. It was really sad to me because not only do I not even know these people, but they don’t know me and don’t know how I spend my days. If they were with me all the time and I was on my phone all day it would be one thing, but it was people telling me to stay off my phone when they had no idea what I do all day…
A little back story is that King has been really hard lately. He not only tantrums but he is very abusive to me in those tantrums. I know he is two, how can he be abusive? He hits me, kicks me, slaps me, etc. My pediatrician has told me to ignore the behavior completely because King doesn’t care about consequences being taken away. This leaves me wherever I am with him beating on me while I just quietly stand there and take it. He literally doesn’t like me at all, I am not allowed to look at him, change his diaper, get him lunch, really anything. Him being abusive to me does last shorter amounts of time when he does beat on me when I ignore it rather than tell him no, fight with him, or hold him down. So it is working a little bit and with time I am hoping he learns that he gets zero attention from it so it isn’t worth it. I have tried spending full days without my phone, just taking care of him and it doesn’t help. My pediatrician has said not to eliminate my phone because then it teaches him that when he is a stinker then mom stops everything that she is doing to only be with him and that isn’t realistic. He isn’t needing attention, we have sat down with our doctor and told him step by step our days and he said he is getting plenty of attention not only from me but others, it is something deeper.
There were many people offering support, loving advice, and being there for me through a really hard time. I have met with his pediatrician, my parents, in-laws, etc. to try to have advice and no one knows quite how to handle this little stinker. We have tried everything and our next step if it doesn’t get better will be behavior therapy. It just is so sad to me that at a point where a mom is letting it all out there, hard enough on herself, that people feel it is necessary to judge her and to break her down even more. Why can’t we love and support each other? Why can’t we lift each other up? What ever happened to if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all? Where did the village go?
Lately he isn’t hating me as much, it comes and goes with days that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me and other days where he is fine. We are working through it and even though it is really hard on me, there are a lot of tears, etc. I know I am supposed to go through this and that I am supposed to learn something from this experience. Thank you to all of you that were so kind and supportive. It truly means more than you know to me. We are hoping it is just some crazy phase, but if not we are ready to take proper steps to get this little buddy some help.
Diapers from Bambo Nature
High Chair from SkipHop
House Dress from Lucky Love
I don’t know you and I’m not a mom, but I know you are giving this your all. Keep it up! Keep seeking help because you will find your key that way. I hope that happens sooner than later for you, but I can tell you won’t give up. I’m sorry you are having this pain. 💕
the cape on the corner says
goodness, i imagine it must feel heartbreaking to feel like he’s hating on you. i’m sorry for that. i disagree with the idea that you have to stand there and take it. consequences working or not, i would just repeat (as i’m sure you do) that this isn’t ok, this isn’t how we treat someone, we don’t hit, etc. i hope it gets better soon, and do let us know what works, if it’s the therapy or meds or what. i hope you are doing some self care for yourself, too.
Kaylee Edwards says
Thank you so much for the update! I was wondering how things were going with little King. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You are doing absolutely everything you can, please know that! I’m so sorry that in the midst of already feeling awful that some people chose to kick you when you were already down. So ridiculous. Some people don’t have hard kids and as someone who does- I completely know where you’re coming from. It’s not you, it’s him! It’s something he is going through and you are being an incredible mama bear who is helping him through this tough time to the best of your ability. Behavior/play therapy could be a really positive thing for him and for you! If there are feelings underneath he doesn’t know how to express, hopefully that would illuminate that for all of you. Sweet mama I hope you get some relief soon. I’m on your side ❤️
JoAnn Marie Milner says
I’ve been worried about you! I had no idea people were so mean. Thanks for the update. I’ve been wondering how things have been going. Not fun! I love following you on Instagram and I hope you can see all the good things you are doing! I know I don’t know you either but you are a GREAT MOM. ❤❤❤ Keep it up! You we’re given this little guy for a reason, and he was given you too! Take care!
Have they run blood tests on him to check for low levels of vitamins and minerals? We discovered my son, who would get aggressively angry (hit, kick, bite, punch, scratch, etc) was low on magnesium. He’s on supplements now and it’s amazing the difference in his temperament! Being a mom gives you the highest highs and can also give you some really low, lows. We went through a long struggle to figure out what was going on with our son and finally figuring out part of the puzzle was such a relief. Keep your head up momma, it might not be an overnight fix, but if you keep pushing, keep trying, keep asking questions, keep searching for answers, you’ll help him out. *hugs*
Anecia Jensen says
I commend you for putting it all out there. I have a difficult 3 year old and I hate to say that I am embarrassed to ask for help. I feel like I see all these other moms with kids her age and they are behaving so well so I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong. I admire your realness and I hope that others look at that and want to be that way as well. I know I do. Ignore the mean comments because they don’t know you. They maybe aren’t even parents! You don’t know them and they don’t know you. Take advice from the ones that have been there, struggled, found things that work, even after some failures. Good luck and I look forward to reading what works for you! (Totally trying the ignoring thing next time there is a tantrum.)