MOM FRIENDS… BLEH.
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Mom friends are the absolute hardest part of being an adult I think. I think that every mom wants and needs a good friend. Someone that you can talk to without being judged, will let you vent and ramble without thinking anything of it, will love you and support you no matter what you decide to do, will talk sense into you when you’re being stupid. Mom friends are so hard to find. They are something that everyone needs in their life. Zach often asks me why I don’t have friends to go to lunch with, people to call on the phone to when I am sad or frustrated, someone to make cookies for even when they don’t taste good when they are having a bad day, or pick up their little ones when they have too much on their plate… I think I have finally figured out why…
I put too much on my plate and I don’t make the time for it honestly. When I think about it, it scares me and overwhelms me. How do you find that person? How do you make sure they won’t burn you? I have been burned a few times in the past with people who I thought were my really good friends. Taking cookies to a friend and her telling me she is on a diet and how could I not know… friends telling me they wanted to make life plans together and then doing them without mentioning anything to us about them and doing them with someone else… Friends who you thought were your friends and then they talk badly about you behind your back… THE HONEST TRUTH IS I’M SCARED… and I am terrified to take my stinker little boy places with new people because let’s be honest, I am stressed out the entire time we are in our out of our house he is breaking things, hitting people, throwing things at people, etc…
Plus, between all of that, when I am I supposed to have time to have a friend between working as a nurse, helping my mom with my special needs brother randomly, blogging, answering emails, photo shoots, laundry, editing posts, cleaning the house, dinner (what is that?), social media shares, playing with King, networking, etc. I am supposed to MAKE the time for it. That is what. Why am I sitting here feeling sorry for myself not having friends when I am the one who isn’t making time for them? Another big thing is that the whole time I am with someone new I am anxious… I shouldn’t worry what people think of me, but let’s be honest I do, and actually it is none of my business what they think of me, but I can’t get that into my head for some reason. I hang out with someone new and come home and re-analyze every piece of everything that I said, did, King did, etc. and stress myself out that I said something that hurt their feelings, made them feel like I am judging them, King hit their little one, threw something at them, etc… So what is the best option? Be sad all the time that I don’t have friends, or buck up, put my big girl pants, and go and make some?
Photos by Roxana Baker
You’re my favorite and I wish we lived closer. 😞😞
I am the exact same way! I have been burned too many times to even want to put the effort into making friends! I find that so many mom friends are so stinking fake it makes me crazy! But recently I have started trying, and hopefully it will work out. Feeling a little optimistic.
Lindsey Lutz says
I loved this post, and I totally feel you. I have a lot of girlfriends, but I have been making ZERO time for them. Like you, I feel anxious and worried that I said something wrong or was too dramatic or don’t do enough for everyone. Hang in there babe, and we can totally be friends!
This is a reason I deactivated my Facebook. Because when the screens were off and I needed a real connection there weren’t many. I realized I was missing the details of my own life to see the details of others, and I had to completely rid my life of it, I would try to manage my time better but always fell back. So I had to go cold turkey cause my family and friends deserved me and no more excuses. It’s so much better. People tell me exciting news in real life, I text my friends questions about breastfeeding or toddler stuff rather than ask virtual friends. I don’t think there will be internet in heaven but relationships will last, so I want to build those up as much as I can. My two cents 🙂 you’re an awesome inspiration to those who follow you and I hope you’re able to find your balance, it’s so hard but so necessary. Also we’d be BFFs if I still lived in Utah 😉
I refused to for 16 months to make mom friends. It just seemed TOO much!!! But, over the last couple of months I’ve made it a priority and it’s been the best!!! Trust me, you will get burned again. I have one “friend” who is always wanting to get together, but then cancels at the last minute. She’s done this 10X. I’m actually off to have a play date in about an hour. 🙂
Great post! I don’t have any mom friends either!! In all honesty I don’t put out the effort to have any! I have a hubby and 4 kids that keep me more than busy! Time for friends…..I hardly have time for myself! I see all these girls go on friend trips and I does look fun. But I just don’t have the time one energy for the drama or time it takes to find that honest, true, kind, funnny, dorky friend. Maybe one day. Until that day comes I’ll just focus on my best friend husband and kids. You seem like a sweet person! So don’t worry about what others think, I totally feel like other moms are judging me too I’ve worked hard to just not care about it. Good luck 😉 I think you live in Northern Utah. Me too!
I feel the same way. My husband, myself and our 17 month old moved from NY to NC and I literally know no one. I am a stay at home mom, in a new City which gets super congested with tourists during the summer, and I get nervous about going out. Especially when the baby won’t cooperate. I also feel very self-conscious and think I’ll say something wrong. I’ve also been burned in the past with friends. But I do wish I had a friend and was able to go back to school in the meantime.
Three good things to know: 1.) This is totally normal 2.) You are not alone (look at all these comments from likeminded women!) and 3.) People have a way of coming into your life exactly at the time you need them most. Be open to it and naturally those friends will come. xo
Kahana Bigelow says
Girl, I know those feelings!! Im sad we live so far away! Someday we will have to get together 🙂 xx