I have really been thinking about my 4 short months of being a mom. Getting our sweet boy here was for sure not easy. Lots of stress, patience, tears, fighting, and relying on the Lord and each other. I would say it was probably one of the hardest times of my entire life. Sleepless nights of wondering what I was doing wrong that I couldn’t be a mom yet. Trying to figure out what I needed to learn from this trial. Wondering why my Heavenly Father couldn’t trust me with one of his sweet spirits yet. To be honest this was one of the darkest times of my life. I didn’t trust myself, I lost all confidence in myself, and I started to stop relying on my husband and the Lord. It makes me so sad looking back at those times now. I am so very grateful for each and every sleepless night. I am so thankful that I had to find myself in the darkness to know what it was like to know who I am and what I truly want in life.
Being King’s mom is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I have rough nights, and rough days just like everyone else, but then bedtime comes and I hold that sweet boy in my arms, kiss his cheeks, and put him down to sleep and instantly miss him and wish he was awake to play with. I look at the amazing sweet spirit that Heavenly Father blessed and trusted me with and know that I can conquer anything. I have learned more than I ever thought I would being a mother. I have found myself and let go of myself. I have learned to ask for help. I have learned what it is to love someone more than I ever knew I could. I truly is the most amazing experience. Looking in those sweet little blue eyes, squishing those cherub cheeks, rubbing his little bald head, it all makes me realize what life really is about. Life is about serving other people. It is about loosing yourself for the ones you love. Yes we still need to take care of ourselves, but I find that I love myself more and am more confident in myself when I am loving and serving my little family.
This family is what I live for, strive for, and my entire world. They are what push me to be my best and are there to pick me up when I crumble. The real straight up truth about being a mom is, it is the hardest thing that you will ever do. You will want to pull your hair out on multiple occasions, hide in the closet, have more tears stream down your face than you ever thought you would. You will be puked on, pooped on, cried on, spit on, and everything in-between. However, even with all of that, it is the best thing that you will ever have happen to you. It is worth every rough night, every fight, all the tears, the sleepless nights, all of it. I am so grateful for this little family of mine and just hope one day they can understand how big my love for them really is.