Thoughts on Baby #23
I am currently 33 weeks pregnant. People have always said that your second pregnancy goes quicker than your first and it is so true. I never believed it until I lived it myself. This pregnancy has been super similar yet completely different than King’s. I have been just as sick (yep still throwing up), however I am a lot more comfortable most of the time, until I’m not comfortable and then it is really bad. I feel like my belly is smaller this time than with King, I have craved completely different things, and sleep is something that I wish happened.
A little back story for you to understand where I’m coming from is that King took us 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with, with a miscarriage before him. It was hard. I cried a lot. I was bitter toward people who were pregnant even though I knew it wasn’t their fault that I could’t get pregnant. I would be so, so frustrated when people would say that they were pregnant and not quite ready for it. How could they not be ready for another baby? Well, that is what I thought then until we happened to get pregnant with this meant to be baby while I was on birth control. Now I clearly have been woken up to both sides of longing to be pregnant and being pregnant before you’re quite ready.
Zach and I had started talking about adding a second little one to our family, some days I was like “ya we should start trying after Christmas” and other days I would tell him “King is so hard that I think we might just be one and done”. Well, it isn’t my plan on what happens on this earth, it is my Heavenly Fathers and he knows that we needed this sweet girl to join our family. While I am completely terrified to add another little one, I am also so excited.
I had come to terms when King was a boy that I would only have boys. I have talked it up in my mind for years and I swear everyone I know that has longed for a little girl of their own and prays for it has all boys. I was that person so I got myself all on board for that. When I found out that this baby was a girl, it made it even more meant to be. I am meant to have her sweet spirit in my life. I need her. It took me 4 different ultrasound appointments to actually believe it and I just barley bought her first bow for her the other day. I still am in shock a little bit, but honestly can not wait to have a mini me that I can put bows on, dress up, and play Barbies with.
I am so nervous of how King is going to react to baby sister. If you know King then you know I am not exaggerating when I say that I am terrified he is going to climb into her crib, jump on her, and then throw her out. I don’t think I will ever be able to leave the two of them for .0007 seconds for a really really long time. Some days he is really excited about her, other days he is so mad that we are having a girl and not a little boy. I am terrified of the transition. I am terrified that I struggle with King and his determination and stubbornness and he is my only one. How am I supposed to kind of manage him and to take care of a tiny newborn baby? I’m sure people look at me as I take him into the grocery store and he is hitting, kicking, screaming, and spitting on me and think how in the world does she think she is going to manage two of them!?! I’m right there with them. I don’t know how I am going to do it, but I do know that she is supposed to be a part of our family and I can’t wait for her to come.
In the mean time while we wait for her arrival, I am taking deep breaths, telling myself that it is all going to be okay, and that she is needed in our family. I am stronger than I think I am and King is going to figure it out eventually. I can’t wait for the tiny newborn snuggles, the smell of a fresh bathed baby, and the tiny little butt cheeks of a newborn. I can’t wait to be this sweet girls mama.