I HAVEN’T BEEN THE MOM I WANT TO BE…
Do you ever have those days, where you lay down to go to bed at night and feel instant guilt…Guilt that you didn’t play motorcycles with your little boy, let him jump off the counter into your arms, eat snacks while playing in the hot sun, or so many other things? That has been a constant lately for me… I have been living my days stressed out and anxious to the max, worried that we are moving to 3 different homes in 8 months, worried that I won’t have my own space anymore and I will be sharing it with someone else, anxious about not knowing what our future holds, stressed out that I have to have my life packed up and placed in a storage unti for 8 months… All of these things are consuming my thoughts, my days, and my life.
I am going to be honest, I haven’t been the mom that I want to be. I haven’t been spending time with King like I want to. My thoughts and actions have been else where and I am not okay with that. I am not okay with glossing over my little boy and worrying about other things that ya, they are important, but they aren’t the most important. King is only going to be this age for so long…he is only going to want to jump off the counter to me and race motorcycles for a short amount of time and I don’t want to miss that. I don’t want to miss the vroom vroom’s and the gibberish one, two, threes, to jump off the counter.
Those little tip toes that look up on to our counter to find the treat that he is looking for, or the “mama’s” as he is screaming at me to run and look at what he sees. Those are the things that I need to focus on, remember, and take in. The little things that he does and the time with him is much more important than the things that I can worry about but, I ultimately can’t change.
We all have busy lives filled with the things that seem so important, they seem to be pressing and they seem to consume us…but it is so important to focus on our little ones, take in those moments, and remember this time in our lives. Being a mom is hard, we need some breaks, but it also can be the most amazing things filled with giggles, loves, and memories if we focus on the good and train our minds to find the positivity and the good.