Who Am I Anymore?
Do you ever take a step back and look at your life. Who is this person living my life? Who is this person that has been sucked so far down a so called routine? Why doesn’t this person have time to do things that they like to do anymore? What do they even like to do? When did I get lost? When did I start to drift away into someone who just wakes up, gets ready, feeds the kids, cleans the house, makes meals, does laundry, and works all day long? Where did the spontaneous person I use to be go?
I have realized lately that I am that person. I am someone living my life who I don’t even know anymore… I have filled my time with pleasing everyone else to the point that I am still myself somewhere in there…I am being myself still…but it has been lost in making sure that everyone else is happy, making sure everyone else’s life is easier even though I am making mine so much harder. I don’t know when I got so lost. When did I start caring so much about pleasing others that I don’t even know what I want or what is best for me anymore? I think as women and mothers it is so easy for some of us to get lost down this path… to not know who we are anymore because we are so encircled with pleasing everyone and everything else.
I am constantly moving my appointments with people to make their schedules lighter and mine heavier because I want things to be easier for them. I am always running here or there to make sure that people have everything they need the second they ask for it so they aren’t waiting on me. Late nights to make sure brands are happy with posts and social media shares. I am ruining my life to try to make everyone else’s life better… I can’t make everyone happy so why I am ruining myself? I am the only person who can control if I am happy and taking care of myself. Why am I failing at the only person that I can control?
“If you can’t make your life a priority someone else will” -unknown
This!! Why can’t I make myself a priority? Why am I being a priority for everyone else’s life and letting the people who mean the most to me down? I am literally loosing who I am, becoming unhappy, and not taking care of myself to try to make everyone else happy. I CAN’T CONTROL THEM OR THEIR FEELINGS. This isn’t going to be an easy change and I am going to start with asking myself when someone asks me to do something, move something, etc. “Is this going to make my life easier or harder?” If it is harder the answer is going to be no. I don’t need to give a reason why, it just isn’t going to work for me. If it won’t make things more hectic or harder then I am more than happy to help, but I can’t keep taking care of everyone else while I fail myself and my family. I am making my life a priority. I am putting my family before everyone else. I am making the change.
Who’s with me?