WHY? WHY AM I OVERWHEMLED AND SCARED?0
A couple weeks ago we loaded up Matt in the handicapped van and drove down an hour from home to Thanksgiving Point to a place called Cornbelly’s. Matt is hard to get on board to go to places like this, the silly boy would rather stay at home playing FIFA Soccer on his iPad all day ha. However, this particular day he was excited to go and so guess what we did, we loaded up and went! I had been wanting to take King for awhile. I often feel like I fill my life with so many other things that I am missing out on taking him places and letting him be little. Letting him run around and get all dirty in the hay. Watching him interact (sometimes hitting, ugh) other kids and overly loving them. Letting him experience things outside of our home, taking him to new places, new experiences, etc. I have been taking that from him and filling my life with answering emails, worrying about blog posts going up, saying that we need to make dinner and stay home for the night… Why? Why am I doing this? Am I scared? Overwhelmed? I’m not really quite sure…
I’m not sure why I am overwhelmed, scared, or don’t take King out. He is a busy little stinker boy, but I can let that take it away from us. Every time that I make time to do something as a family, even if it is just playing outside together, I am always grateful and happy that I did. Those moments are time I will never get back, King won’t ever be “almost 2” again. He won’t always yell “horrrrsey” with his rolled r’s and why am I not soaking that in? Why I am not allowing myself to? Life. Life is why. I am letting life and dumb silly other things get in my way and I need to reset my priorities. I use to take 15 minutes every morning and afternoon for undivided play time with just the two of us and that has been lost in the move and packing era of my life. It needs to come back, it needs to be there for both him and I.
This little boy and my family are my world, why am I letting them slip away and through the cracks? I think realizing it is the first step, and then making a conscious effort. A conscious effort to show them love, play outside as family, go on adventures, and be happy. It is okay to be happy. It is okay to feel loved. It is okay.